Creating an Agreement

Prenuptial Agreements in United States

Two Types of Agreements

What to Include in Your Agreement

Section 1: Basic Arrangement Terms

Purpose

Why are you entering this marriage? Be explicit. Examples:

• "Mutual protection from family pressure regarding sexual orientation"
• "Immigration stability while maintaining authentic identities"
• "Professional protection in conservative industry"

Duration

• Specific timeframe (e.g., "5 years")
• Until a trigger event (e.g., "until parent's death")
• Indefinite/lifetime with annual review periods
• Open-ended with mutual dissolution clause

Configuration

• Both LGBTQ+, or one LGBTQ+ and one ally
• Living arrangements — cohabit fully, partially, or separately
• Whether the arrangement includes co-parenting

Section 2: Living Arrangements

Primary residence

• Will you live together? If so, where?
• How will you decide where to live?
• Can this change, and under what circumstances?

Space within the home (if cohabiting)

• Separate bedrooms or shared?
• Private spaces designated for each person
• Guest policies for private spaces

Household responsibilities

• Division of chores and domestic labor
• Who handles what — cooking, cleaning, maintenance
• What happens if responsibilities aren't met

Section 3: Financial Arrangements

Shared expenses

• What costs will you split — rent, utilities, groceries?
• How — 50/50, or proportional to income?
• Joint account for shared expenses, or direct payments?

Separate finances

• What remains completely separate?
• No financial responsibility for partner's personal expenses
• How to handle unexpected financial crises

Tax and benefits

• File jointly or separately where applicable?
• Who carries health insurance?
• Life insurance beneficiaries?

Section 4: Outside Relationships

This is a critical area requiring complete clarity upfront.

Permission structure

• Are outside romantic or sexual relationships allowed?
• For one partner, both, or neither?
• Any restrictions or requirements?

Disclosure expectations

• Must you tell each other about outside partners?
• How much information should be shared?
• "Don't ask, don't tell" vs. full openness?

Practical boundaries

• Can outside partners visit the shared home?
• Overnight absences — advance notice required?
• Off-limits times — family visits, holidays?

Sexual health

• STI testing requirements and frequency
• Safe sex expectations
• Disclosure obligations if health status changes

Section 5: Public Performance

Level of performance

• How convincing must you appear as a couple?
• Physical affection in public — expectations and limits
• Social media presence and what to post
• Who knows the truth, and who doesn't?

Family interactions

• Attendance at family events and holidays
• Communication with each other's families
• Boundaries around family expectations or intrusions

Section 6: Communication & Conflict

Regular check-ins

• Scheduled times to discuss how the arrangement is working
• Annual or semi-annual formal review of terms
• Process for raising concerns between scheduled check-ins

Conflict resolution

• How you'll handle disagreements
• Whether to use mediation or counseling if conflicts persist
• Absolute dealbreakers and non-negotiables

Section 7: Exit Strategy

Best Practices

• Be specific — vague agreements lead to misunderstandings
• Discuss everything — don't assume; make implicit expectations explicit
• Put it in writing — even informally, written is better than verbal
• Review regularly — life changes; agreements should too
• Both must agree — no one-sided terms
• Be honest — hiding important needs will cause problems
• Build in flexibility — allow for renegotiation as needs change
• Protect privacy carefully — balance documentation with discretion

Red Flags in Agreement Discussions