Glossary
Lavender Marriage
A marriage of convenience between two people, typically where one or both partners are LGBTQ+, entered to conceal sexual orientation or gender identity for safety, social acceptance, or practical reasons.
Beard
Slang term for a person who conceals another person's homosexuality or queerness through romantic association, either in a dating relationship or marriage.
Boston Marriage
Historical term (late 19th-early 20th century) for two women living together in a committed relationship, often described as "romantic friendships."
Xinghun (形婚)
Chinese term meaning "formal marriage" or "marriage of appearance" - lavender marriages are common in China due to strong family pressure.
Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup)
Legal contract entered before marriage specifying how assets, debts, and property will be divided if the marriage ends.
Relationship Structure
Arrangement
The agreed-upon terms between lavender marriage partners—covering finances, living situation, outside relationships, social appearances, and what each partner does and does not owe the other. A good arrangement is explicit, written, and revisited over time.
Primary Partner
In a lavender marriage context, the person's actual romantic or sexual partner outside the marriage. Often kept private or known only to close trusted friends.
Companionate Marriage
A marriage based on friendship, mutual support, and shared life goals rather than romantic love or sexual attraction. Many lavender marriages function as companionate marriages.
Cohabitation Agreement
A legal contract defining how two people sharing a home handle finances, property, and responsibilities—relevant for lavender couples who want legal clarity before or instead of marriage.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT)
Within a lavender marriage, an informal arrangement where partners agree not to disclose details of their outside romantic or sexual lives to each other. Differs from a fully open arrangement where partners communicate openly about outside relationships.
Exit Strategy
A plan—ideally agreed upon before the marriage—for how the partnership will end if circumstances change, including divorce procedures, financial separation, and how each partner's identity will be protected during the process.
Identity & Orientation
Closeted
Describes an LGBTQ+ person who has not publicly or openly disclosed their sexual orientation or gender identity. Many people in lavender marriages are closeted in some or all contexts.
Mixed-Orientation Marriage (MOM)
A marriage between partners of differing sexual orientations—such as a gay man and a straight woman, or a bisexual person and a heterosexual partner. MOMs are sometimes entered knowingly as lavender marriages, and sometimes become one after a partner comes out post-marriage.
Passing
Being perceived by others as straight, cisgender, or otherwise conforming to social expectations. A lavender marriage often helps a person "pass" in contexts where their actual identity would put them at risk.
Cover
The social protection a lavender marriage provides—the spouse who helps the other appear straight or conventionally partnered is sometimes described as providing "cover."
Outing
The act of revealing someone's LGBTQ+ identity without their consent. In the context of a lavender marriage, being outed can have serious safety, legal, or professional consequences—making confidentiality agreements and trusted-circle boundaries especially important.
Practical & Legal
Marriage of Convenience
A broad term for any marriage entered primarily for practical, social, or legal benefits rather than romantic love. Lavender marriages are one type of marriage of convenience.
Morality Clause
A contractual provision—historically common in Hollywood studio contracts—that allowed employers to void contracts if a person's behavior was deemed socially unacceptable. These clauses were a major driver of lavender marriages in the early film industry.
Spousal Privilege
A legal protection that, in many jurisdictions, prevents a spouse from being compelled to testify against their partner in court. Legally married lavender partners have the same spousal privilege as any other married couple.
Next of Kin
The legally recognized closest relative, which defaults to a spouse in most jurisdictions. Marriage grants a lavender partner next-of-kin status, giving them decision-making rights in medical emergencies and inheritance priority.
Nondisclosure Agreement (NDA)
A legally binding contract requiring one or both parties to keep certain information confidential. Some lavender couples use NDAs or confidentiality clauses within their arrangement to protect details of the partnership from third parties.