Templates & Checklists

Practical planning documents for every stage of a lavender marriage arrangement — free to download and use.

How to use these documents: Download the plain-text file, fill it in offline at your own pace, and keep a copy somewhere secure. These documents are for personal planning purposes — they are not legally binding. For any legally binding agreement, consult a qualified solicitor or attorney in your jurisdiction.

Partner Discussion Template

Not a legal agreement. For discussion purposes only.

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A structured guide covering every major topic you should discuss with a potential lavender marriage partner before committing — identity, finances, living arrangements, family presentation, and exit conditions.

Identity & Motivation▼

·How you each identify (sexuality, gender)
·Primary motivation for the arrangement
·Level of outness — who knows, who doesn't
·Current or desired outside relationships
·What success looks like in 5 years

Relationship Structure▼

·Platonic, romantic, sexual, or combined?
·Rules around outside romantic and sexual relationships
·Physical affection expectations (public vs. private)
·Emotional intimacy and friendship expectations
·What happens if feelings develop

Living Arrangements▼

·Live together full-time, part-time, or separately?
·Bedroom arrangements and household rules
·How visitors, dates, and family will be managed
·Relocation scenarios
·Practical preferences (pets, cleanliness, guests)

Financial Arrangements▼

·How day-to-day expenses will be split
·Joint vs. separate bank accounts
·Decision process for major purchases
·Division of shared property if the arrangement ends
·Tax filing status
·Pre-existing debts and assets each partner brings
·Wills, beneficiaries, and power of attorney

Family & Social Presentation▼

·What family members will be told
·How to handle intrusive questions
·Expected conduct at family events
·Agreed public narrative (how you met, etc.)
·Social media rules
·Trusted friends who know the full situation

Children▼

·Does either partner want children?
·How, when, and with whose involvement
·Existing children from prior relationships
·How the arrangement changes if a child joins the family

Exit Conditions▼

·Conditions under which either partner may exit
·Minimum notice period
·Agreed process for telling family and friends
·How shared property and finances are divided
·Conditions for remaining legally married but living separately

Partner Vetting Checklist

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A structured checklist for evaluating a potential partner — covering identity verification, practical compatibility, communication, financial transparency, and safety red flags.

Identity & Authenticity▼

·Genuine LGBTQ+ identity (not seeking to deceive)
·Honest, coherent stated motivation
·Verifiable track record (mutual contacts, social presence)
·No undisclosed conflicting commitments
·Compatible level of outness
·Seeking the same type of arrangement

Practical Compatibility▼

·Compatible location or willingness to relocate
·Compatible lifestyle (work schedule, habits, standards)
·Compatible financial situation or comfort with differences
·Compatible stance on children
·Compatible views on outside relationships
·Language and communication are natural

Values & Goals▼

·Shared values around honesty and discretion
·Compatible long-term goals
·Similar relationship timelines
·Compatible views on religion, politics where relevant
·Mutual understanding of obligations — not one helping the other

Communication & Emotional Safety▼

·Can have difficult conversations openly
·Listens without dismissing concerns
·Willing to put agreements in writing
·Respects your boundaries when set
·Does not pressure you to move faster than you want
·You feel physically and emotionally safe

Safety Considerations▼

·Met in person at least once in a safe setting
·A trusted person in your life knows who they are
·Identity verified through independent means
·No requests for money before meeting in person
·Social media presence researched independently
·Your gut instinct says this person is trustworthy

⚠ Red Flags — Stop If Any Apply▼

·Refuses to meet in person before committing
·Evasive about identity, location, or employment
·Has asked for money, gifts, or loans
·Pressures you to move quickly on decisions
·Dismisses or minimises your concerns
·Has inconsistent or changing stories
·Unwilling to put agreements in writing
·Something feels "off" — trust your instincts

Financial Planning Worksheet

Not financial or legal advice. Consult a qualified financial adviser and solicitor for your situation.

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A comprehensive worksheet covering individual financial snapshots, shared monthly expenses, banking structures, property, taxes, estate planning, and financial unwinding if the arrangement ends.

Individual Financial Snapshot▼

·Annual income (gross and net)
·Monthly essential expenses
·Existing debts
·Savings and investments
·Property owned
·Monthly discretionary spending

Shared Monthly Expenses▼

·Rent or mortgage
·Utilities, internet, phone
·Groceries and transport
·Home and health insurance
·Childcare and subscriptions
·Split method per expense (50/50, proportional, alternating)

Banking Structure▼

·Separate accounts only vs. joint account for shared costs
·Monthly contribution from each partner to joint account
·Shared emergency fund target amount
·Access and signatory rules

Major Purchases & Property▼

·Decision threshold for major purchases
·Property ownership structure (joint tenancy, tenants in common, split %)
·Vehicle ownership
·Agreed disposition of jointly owned property if arrangement ends

Taxes▼

·Married filing jointly vs. separately
·Impact of marriage on each partner's tax liability
·Benefits and credits affected by marital status

Estate Planning▼

·Wills — does each partner have one?
·Beneficiary designations and whether they change
·Financial and healthcare power of attorney
·Life insurance and pension beneficiaries

Financial Unwinding at Exit▼

·How shared savings will be divided
·How shared debts will be divided
·Any ongoing financial support after separation
·Timeline for completing full financial separation

Safety Planning Checklist

If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.

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A comprehensive safety checklist covering risk assessment, document security, digital security, financial safety, emergency planning, and support organisations — for people in high-risk countries and for all users.

Risk Assessment▼

·Research the legal status of same-sex relationships in your country/region
·Understand specific risks (imprisonment, fines, violence, employment, family)
·Assess risk level in your specific local community
·Identify trusted people who know your full situation
·Know local emergency contacts including any LGBTQ+ organisations

Document Security▼

·Copies of passport, birth certificate, marriage certificate
·Financial documents (bank statements, property deeds)
·Medical records, visa/immigration documents, insurance policies
·Secure storage outside your home (trusted person, encrypted cloud, safe deposit)
·Quick access to originals if you need to leave suddenly

Digital Security▼

·Strong unique passwords and a reputable password manager
·Two-factor authentication on key accounts
·Phone protected by strong PIN or biometrics
·End-to-end encrypted messaging for sensitive conversations (Signal, WhatsApp)
·Secondary email not linked to primary identity
·Privacy settings reviewed on all social platforms
·Understanding of what cloud data is accessible to others

Financial Safety▼

·Personal funds accessible to you alone
·Emergency fund in your name
·Not financially dependent in a way that traps you
·Understanding of financial rights if the marriage ends under duress

Emergency Planning▼

·Trusted person outside household knows where you are regularly
·Code word or signal to send if you need help
·Plan for where to go if you need to leave suddenly (two locations)
·Research of nearest LGBTQ+ shelter or safe house (if applicable)
·Knowledge of international support organisations
·Go-bag prepared with documents, cash, medication, contacts

International Support Organisations▼

·Rainbow Railroad — rainbowrailroad.org (emergency evacuation)
·ILGA World — ilga.org (legal info by country)
·UNHCR — unhcr.org/lgbtq (asylum resources)
·ORAM — oraminternational.org (refuge and migration)

Exit Strategy Planning Template

Not legal advice. Consult a solicitor/attorney for divorce proceedings.

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A comprehensive template for planning how the arrangement might end — covering trigger conditions, notice requirements, legal process, financial separation, living arrangements, and the social communication plan.

When an Exit Might Happen▼

·Either partner finds a romantic partner they wish to commit to
·Significant life circumstance change (relocation, health, career)
·Either partner chooses to come out publicly
·Fundamental agreement repeatedly broken
·Irreconcilable communication breakdown
·Either partner requests exit for any reason (no-fault)
·Fixed-term arrangement reaches its agreed end

Notice & Process▼

·Minimum notice period before formal exit (30/60/90/180 days)
·How exit is initiated (written, in person, or via mediator)
·Informal separation period before legal proceedings
·Who initiates the legal divorce process

Legal Process▼

·Jurisdiction for divorce proceedings
·Grounds and minimum separation period required
·Same or separate legal representation
·Pre-existing prenuptial or cohabitation agreement
·Immigration implications (spousal visa, residency)
·Children whose legal status would be affected

Financial Separation▼

·Division of shared bank accounts
·Disposition of shared property (sell, buy-out, transfer)
·Division of shared debts
·Any ongoing financial obligations after separation
·Target date for full financial separation

Living Arrangements▼

·Who vacates the shared home, and when
·Transition period rules if both remain temporarily
·Division of shared household items

Social Communication Plan▼

·Agreed public explanation for the separation
·Order in which family and friends are told, and by whom
·Whether you will remain in contact as friends
·How shared friendships and social circles are handled
·Timeline for social media updates

Wellbeing During Exit▼

·Trusted support person for each partner
·Professional support planned (therapy, legal, financial)
·Safety check — risk to either partner during or after exit

Creating an Agreement →Financial Considerations →Crisis Resources →

All documents for personal use only · Not legal advice